Bikers
Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2009 8:36 pm
I posted this om the .com site but it got pulled for content.... Maybe it`s not too overboard here.
BEFORE IT STARTS
A biker came home from the road, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."
She looked a little confused, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start."
This time she looked a little pissed, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer, it's gonna start any second."
"That's it!" She blows her top, "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"
The biker sighed. "Oh s****, it's started.
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The Biker and the Nun
A Biker came along a Nun on the side of the road with a flat tire. He stopped and asked if the Nun needed any help. The Nun not being mechanically inclined, accepted his help.
The Biker jacked up the car, but when he got the tire off the ground the jack slipped and the car dropped. s****!!! shouted the biker. No,,, replied the Nun, say Bless Me Father.
Grumbling under his breath the biker jacked the car up again, and again the jack slipped. s****!!! roared the biker. The Nun determined to save his soul kindly reminded him to say, Bless Me Father.
Mumbling , and grumbling the Biker returned to the task at hand, but again the jack slipped dropping the car with a crash. His jaws locked, and his face red with anger, the Biker slowly muttered the words, Bless Me Father.
With that the car slowly raised off the ground. The Nun seeing this miracle turned white as a ghost, and in a quivering voice said s****!!!
************************************************** ************************************************** ****
I Want To Join Your Club!
The little old lady had always wanted to join a local biker club. One day she goes up and knocks on the door. A big, hairy bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers. She proclaims, "I want to join your club."
The guy was amused, but says she needs to meet certain requirements in order to join. The biker asks, "Do you have a motorcycle?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep... my bike's parked over there," and points to a Harley in the driveway.
The biker asks, "Do you drink?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep... drink like a fish. I'll drink any man in your club under the table."
The biker asks, "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep...smoke like a chimney. At least 4 packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars in the evening, while I'm shooting pool."
The biker is very impressed and asks, "Last question, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
The little old lady thinks for a minute and says, "Nope... but I've been swung around by the nipples a few times."
__________________
BEFORE IT STARTS
A biker came home from the road, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."
She looked a little confused, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start."
This time she looked a little pissed, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer, it's gonna start any second."
"That's it!" She blows her top, "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"
The biker sighed. "Oh s****, it's started.
************************************************** ************************************************** *************************
The Biker and the Nun
A Biker came along a Nun on the side of the road with a flat tire. He stopped and asked if the Nun needed any help. The Nun not being mechanically inclined, accepted his help.
The Biker jacked up the car, but when he got the tire off the ground the jack slipped and the car dropped. s****!!! shouted the biker. No,,, replied the Nun, say Bless Me Father.
Grumbling under his breath the biker jacked the car up again, and again the jack slipped. s****!!! roared the biker. The Nun determined to save his soul kindly reminded him to say, Bless Me Father.
Mumbling , and grumbling the Biker returned to the task at hand, but again the jack slipped dropping the car with a crash. His jaws locked, and his face red with anger, the Biker slowly muttered the words, Bless Me Father.
With that the car slowly raised off the ground. The Nun seeing this miracle turned white as a ghost, and in a quivering voice said s****!!!
************************************************** ************************************************** ****
I Want To Join Your Club!
The little old lady had always wanted to join a local biker club. One day she goes up and knocks on the door. A big, hairy bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers. She proclaims, "I want to join your club."
The guy was amused, but says she needs to meet certain requirements in order to join. The biker asks, "Do you have a motorcycle?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep... my bike's parked over there," and points to a Harley in the driveway.
The biker asks, "Do you drink?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep... drink like a fish. I'll drink any man in your club under the table."
The biker asks, "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep...smoke like a chimney. At least 4 packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars in the evening, while I'm shooting pool."
The biker is very impressed and asks, "Last question, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
The little old lady thinks for a minute and says, "Nope... but I've been swung around by the nipples a few times."
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